|an oldie but a goodie. the pic, i mean. we aren't that old. yet.|
mark left for california this morning. the kids and i are in a new house but in the same neighborhood. i couldn't let my husband go AND leave my neighborhood. that's craziness.
back to mark. he's starting his new job tomorrow. this has been coming for a long time now. i knew during the summer that change was coming. i knew we weren't going to be in our house much longer. i had no clue where we were going but i knew change was coming. and because i knew that, i kept trying to force the change. like every time i heard about a new job, i'd hound mark to apply for it. or if i ran across a cute place to live, i'd set up a time to walk through it and convince myself this was the change i knew was coming. funny thing is though, you can't force things to happen when it's not the RIGHT time. november came and suddenly it was the right time. everything lined up. it was kinda freaky, to be honest. everything kept falling into place. over and over.
THIS was the change i had felt was coming.
so, we moved into the home of a couple in our ward who are currently on a mission. the house is fully furnished. today is our second full day in the new house. we are adjusting.
mark is currently on a plane. he will be gone for a week and then come back for his car and drive back out to california. then we will probably only see him once a month til june.
here's the thing. i quietly cried on the way to the airport (didn't want to freak out my kids by being a mess) and stayed silent on the way home (except when 'thrift store' came on the radio... all four of us couldn't resist singing, i mean come on) after leaving mark at the airport. i sort of adore my husband, if you didn't already know. this situation is not what i want. at. all. and i'm a very independent chick, y'all. mark teases me that the thing i say the most is "i can do it" whenever anything comes my way, whether i actually can or not. and then my pride kicks in and i usually can do it because i'm not going to let people tell me i can't. you get the picture.
but this...this is feeling overwhelming at the moment. it's more difficult than i had planned on.
however, it's the RIGHT thing to do for now. i know that. i feel it. i can do it. we will all be fine.
the sacrifice is small compared to the blessings that have come and are continuing to come.
i was reading through some blogs today that i haven't had much time to read lately and something i read stuck me. it's exactly what i believe and what i've been reminding myself of the last few days, but especially this morning. it's from the blog 'hey natalie jean.'
"i've always believed that every new breath is a new chance to choose happiness. it's been my rallying cry for most of my adult life. happiness is a choice. it isn't a place or a set of conditions, it is a fight that you take on and then take on again, every single day. you can't let yourself forget to choose to be happy. i mean, i let myself forget all of the time, but that's not the point. the point is to remember and then get back into the battle the second you can. i'm generally a very happy person because of it. but i'd forgotten that strength is a choice, too. as is warmth. and laughter. and light.i can choose to be light. that is a choice that is worth fighting for."
i choose to do this. i choose to be happy with it. i choose to have strength through it. i choose to be warm and light for my kids. i choose to be happy because this is the change i knew was coming and had to happen.
and everything will be okay in the end.